More rehab

I know some people do sustain injuries that incapacitate them life long... but working where I do, I have encountered my fair share of people milking the system. Now, after me being laid up for 2 months... I just don't know how they do it. I am going flippin NUTS sitting here at home! I want to go back to work... NOW! My therapist jokes that when I'm 50, I'm gonna wish I had taken half a year off. I severely doubt it. I don't care if I shovel shit at this point, I just need to do SOMETHING!

I feel clumsy at everything I do. This past weekend I went out to Durhamtown since my accident. Hung out with some friends and we planned on riding the quad, the bike and doing some fishing... mmmm... and maybe a little drinking. LOL. Lets just say that I had a good time fishing. I need to learn patience with myself. But I guess I had talked myself up in my head so much and being back out there... it was not fun.

I feel like the part of my spirit that was so "balls to the wall" wasn't there. Granted, the quad I was riding is 4x bigger than what I'm used to riding, but I felt like it was taking ME for a ride. The next day I rode the dirt bike and really didn't have a good time. Falling just simply was NOT an option that day. I felt out of control. I know a lot of that comes from my index finger still being broken and everything else on my hand being hyper-sensitive... but... BUT... I want to ride! I want my life back, dammit!

I've been thinking a lot over the last couple of days about being so skittish this past weekend. Ya know, before this accident, broken bones, sprains, abrasions.. whatever... yeah they hurt... but they HEAL. And since I wasn't doing anything spectacular when I crashed, I feel like.... crap, what happens when I fall again? Falls are just a part of the sport, they happen. Its just a mental block that I need to work through. And I just don't want to give up something that I love so much. I know... baby steps. That's like telling the Tasmanian Devil to slow down. I need to find something to be good at again! SOON! Frustration, awkwardness and clumsiness is running rampant right now. Hell it takes me 15 minutes just to put my hair in a ponytail!

If I can get back to work, even as the medic on the box, I'll be ecstatic. I can at least use my noggin and feel useful again. I am trying to talk my doctor into letting me go back to work... if I can go back soon, I'd be a good 3-4 months ahead of schedule. Therapy has been going well and almost every visit I have Dan shaking his head. LOL. Every week he creates new splints for me to improve mobility in my joints and tendons. So, we'll see.... stay tuned...